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I saw them falling apart. Everything, like the jigsaws, simply distributed to everywhere, to all directions, and for all purposes. I start arguing with myself. Anger, fear, and sadness occupied the whole body. I drowned into silence, overwhelmed and lost. So what is happening now?

A student is never considered as an adult. Not even when the student had reached 18 years old a decade ago. A dreamer neither. That's why they allowed students to dream about the future. They say dreams never happen. That's why no consequence is expected after the dream. That's why they call it dream. An adult never talks about dreams of their own. They only teach their kids to dream.

Now, let's face this, the reality that they have been talking about. Of course the reality includes the complicated social environment such as the interpersonal relationship. But these are far from the whole picture. As an adult, one needs to take responsibilities. But not for his decisions, nor for his behaviours, an adult only needs to be responsible for the family and, after some scientific words became popular, the genes. An adult should have a full-time job. The salary should be as high as possible and has nothing to do with abilities or interests. Abilities and interests are just toys for the kids. Money is the only thing, no matter how one gets it. The only function of a job is to earn as much money as possible and feed them to the family. Yes, let me be clear here: MONEY, MONEY, MONEY… forever, MONEY.

There are three meanings when they say family. First, it's the parent generation. Second, it's the spouse. Third, it's the children generation. The responsibility to the first meaning of family is to stay with them and look after them in person. It may seem to be a mission impossible sometimes. Instead of having an alternative way to love your family, it simply tells that it’s time for you to sacrifice your “dream” to achieve this. The responsibility to the second meaning of family says that finding a spouse is a “problem” one has to “solve” as soon as possible. This “finding-spouse problem” is nothing different from what you have in a mathematic class during the middle school years. There are equations to fit in the society, which consist of variables like wealth, money and cash. Sometimes, the equation may include social status, education and appearance. Occasionally, they ask about how likely the spouse will share his/her property with you. The last meaning of family is related to the notion of gene. See? That’s how your work is understood by the society. Your grandma may read to you the news from the local paper about the conclusions of your work published some time ago but with nothing to do with the original claim. They say having children is the responsibility of a human being. I still wonder whether it means people don’t plan to have children are not human beings. I absolutely disagree with this but I suspect that it is what they really mean. I absolutely don't think it is a good idea, either, to try to tell the flaws of the logic to your grandma. Believe me, dear! No matter how hard you may try to explain, she will end up with the idea that you don't love her any more.

This is the reality. These are the responsibilities. Adult, this faulty concept implanted by the traditions and cultures. Being independent and rational are never the critical components of the concept in the traditions. Neither does one need to be responsible for his decisions and behaviours as an adult according to the traditions. It's good to have these characters, but never important. How faulty it is!

Now, they are applying this concept of adult on me. My dear families, I love you all. I'm sorry that the society has brought you huge pressures because of me. I'm deeply sorry. It is obviously beyond my ability to convince everybody how wrong the traditions have gone to. The wiser way to deal with the pressure may be just to point out what I will not follow. This is exhausting enough! But guess what the worst part of going against the traditions is. It is that you are not fully new. Fighting the old while one is not fully new! After doffing the flaws of the old teachings, struggling with the pressures, grasping the edge of the new world with only one hand, and swinging with muddy shoes in the air, the nightmare comes as a bloody pocket is left empty. After clearing out all the overnight garbage, there are still streams of mud. But there is no sunlight. How does the song go? “You know I walked a thousand mile. If I could just see you tonight.” Ironic enough, I become nothing.

I'm disappointed. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm fighting for the better. I'm fighting against the ugly. There is an external war. There is an internal war, a war within me. Now, you ask me to surrender.